Is the GoodLife possible for you?
What do you think about this question? Are some people luckier than others? If bad things happen to you does that mean that that is how it will be form now on? Before we answer that we have to separate bad things or things that prevent us from having the GoodLife into two different types.
- Planes falling from the sky– these are the things that happen in life that you have no control over. They include floods, diseases and random events and accidents
- Your own action– These are the things that you can control, work on and fix.
This article focuses on the second one of the two. The reason is the the reality is that so many people in the word are really their own worst enemy. They are causing their own difficulties in life. People who have the GoodLife make different choices in life. These people think differently and they own the results of their choices. When you believe that your problems are because of someone else, then you will act defeated or angry and this point of view steals your personal power. When you believe that you have the ability to influence the outcome of your life, you get busy working on making it happen. The difference between the two points of view creates different results.
Top 10 ways we hurt ourselves.
- Your negative past defines you.
- Your negative self-talk defines you.
- The noise and chaos in your life is robbing your energy.
- We devote zero time to personal growth.
- The people and places you socialize in do not support the Goodlife.
- We learned/believe that we do not have the ability to change.
- We are afraid to let go of the familiar.
- We haven’t learned to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
- We have not yet learned to believe in the unseen.
- We have not come to grips with the fact that your greatest limitations are the ones you place on yourself.
1-Your negative past defines you.
If you have a less than ideal beginning in life, do not be ashamed of it. Do not see it as defining you. See it as your starting point and know that you can outgrow and surpass your starting point. Your starting point is not what you are stuck with or deserve from this point on. Your starting point is Not who you are unless you accept that thought. Your starting point is not your limitation, it is only your beginning. Believe that you deserve more and then you will find the courage to walk toward that new place. If you don’t believe you deserve more, you will be too afraid to go.
2- Your negative self-talk defines you.
On the surface this one seems the same as the one before it but there is a slight difference. Your mind is constantly playing a tape in your head in the form of your thoughts. There is a conversation that you have in your own mind that is so familiar to you that chances are, most of the time you don’t even notice it. For example, if you lose your keys do you say, I’m so stupid! there I go losing my things again!’ or do you say, ‘not a big deal, I will find them again.’ The first one says, ‘I don’t have confidence in myself.’ The second one says, ‘I have it together, I am fine, I am good enough.’ You have to become aware of your self talk because if it is negative, when opportunities come your way, you will sabotage yourself.
You have the ability to replace the negative self-talk in your mind with empowering ideas about yourself. At first this might seem weird or fake but over time you can grow to become your own coach and tell yourself that you believe you can do it. Think about it, if you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else?
3-The noise in your life is stealing your energy.
Do you have people in your life that are constantly binging you drama. They always need help or like to gossip about other people or just have no boundaries. They just show up and feel entitled to your time and attention. These are people who can only see the world from their own selfish point of view and are always there to make their priorities in life, your priorities. Sometimes, they are friends and sometimes they are family members. You might even feel guilty for being a bad person if you don’t make yourself available, especially if you love them.
You can still care for them and even love them while you give them the boundaries that they need. Since these people do not respect your time and your priorities, it is up to yo to teach them what you will and will not accept. The reality is that these people are stealing your success because they drain you, confuse you and take the focus away from the things that actually need your attention to make you a better person. Give them boundaries by letting them know you are available only on Wednesdays and to call first. Don’t feel obligated to tell them what you are doing, it is your time and you need to feel free to use it to make you better without asking for permission. Stop these people in their tracks and take back your time.
4-You devote zero time to personal growth.
Everybody knows that if you leave a piece of steel out in the rain it begins to rust. If you leave things out on their own without taking care of them or nurturing them, they break down, get weak and fall apart. Does it make sense to then expect our life to get better by itself? People’s lives get better because they become clear about how they want their lives to get better and then realizing where they fall short.
Once you are real with yourself, once you are real about where you can improve on, then you can go after those things. Just like things do not get better by themselves, when you work on your own personal growth, you are taking the action that will change your life for the better. Your life gets better in response to the time you spend on making yourself better.
5-The people and places you are around do not support the GoodLife.
Look around you, are you surrounded by cynical people? negative people? people who do not believe in your ability to succeed? If you mention doing something good for yourself, do they ridicule you or make you feel ashamed? they make you feel like your Big dreams are not realistic? Staying in this environment, around these type of people will have an impact on your future success. These people steal your success because they will make you doubt your own ability.
You have to own the key to the door that lets people into your life. You cannot afford to leave the door wide open so that anyone can come in. You cannot go to the places that is full of people who steal other people’s dreams. You have to stay away and also keep your dreams away from the negativity of others. Do not seek their approval because they just don’t understand. Also, misery never wants to see others succeed because it serves as a reminder for what they did not do. Protect your dream!
6-We believe that we do not have the ability to change.
Sometimes we learned along the way that this is how we are and there just is no use in trying to change. These beliefs sometimes enter our minds as a child from a parent or someone else we respect. We take in beliefs and if we do not challenge them or update these beliefs, we act as if they are true which means that they will come true.
The reality is that you have tremendous power to change, grow and reinvent yourself over and over again. This doesn’t mean that you are being untrue to who you really are. It means that you are adding to who you already are. You are not selling out on who you are, by growing, you are becoming more. When you grow in your abilities, talent, what you understand, your ability to relate, to connect and to do more, you are changing who you are as a person. The key is to be deliberate and to change in a positive direction.
7-We are afraid to let go of the familiar.
It is so comforting to to be in the familiar, isn’t it? We become de-sensitized and used to the things we see all the time. This is why people live in bad neighborhoods or stay in abusive marriages and think nothing about it. Yes people will complain about these things but often not enough to actually do something about it. I know this feeling because as a young man, I used to live in a bad neighborhood in Brooklyn. I worked nights and would come home late at night on the subway and that was normal to me. Years later I did some traveling, I went to SanDiego, Malaga, Spain, Athens Greece and Rome. After traveling, I was able to see Brooklyn with a new set of eyes.
I learned that all people prefer to stay in that which is comfortable or normal to them. This means that if something feels normal to you, you may have to distrust that normal feeling if it is not good for you. Expect to feel comfortable in things that are not healthy for you if you are used to them. Do not trust that comfortable feeling inside. Look for that beautiful thing that is good for your soul and let go of that place or person that does not serve you.
8- We haven’t learned to be comfortable in the uncomfortable.
Do you know what all people seek? We are all looking to be comfortable in our life. That sounds normal and obvious but what is not always obvious is that we get comfortable in the familiar. The thing that causes us to grow and get better is always uncomfortable to do. Everything from going to collage to public speaking to skydiving demands that you face a fear or let go of the comfortable and familiar space.
All of us need to be reminded form time to time that when we are living in the familiar, we are no longer growing. Expect your growth to take you to a place that makes you nervous and makes you wonder whether or not you can do it. If you find yourself there, you can expect that if you go through that door and succeed, you will be a better version of you. Make space and time for those things that challenge you and take you to this uncomfortable space. The new you will emerge in the other side of this.
9-We have not yet learned to believe in the unseen.
So many people have no dreams in life because they lack the proof of these dreams coming true in their inner circle. People don’t go to college because they don’t know anyone who has gone, people don’t move away from bad situations because they do not know anyone who has done it. So many times we seek proof in others before we will stand up and do it.
If you find the courage to go after big things, things that have no proof around you, the potential for your growth is massive. It is the people who believed much that were able to gain the most. These people learned to believe in the unseen. They go after what could be possible. The Bible, says blessed is he who has not seen and yet believes. In this instance the gift is much greater.
10- We have not faced the fact that our greatest limitations are the ones we place on ourselves.
All of us can find comfort in blaming others for our own lack of success. We can blame the economy, our upbringing, our ethnicity, the fact that we weren’t born into a wealthy family, the way we look or our lack of important connections. I can choose many excuses from the list I shared and chances are, so can you. When you do that, you let yourself off the hook so now you don’t have to try. Doing this gives this list power over our life. Doing this gives power to the outside influences and surrender our own power. Once we surrender, whatever excuse we chose will become true in our life.
If you say the excuse is just my starting point, it doesn’t define my tomorrow. Tomorrow will be defined by me. Tomorrow will be defined by;
- my effort
- my level of belief
- my ability to be comfortable in the unknown
- my knowledge that change is within me
- my ability to bring people into my life that support my growth
- my time spent engaged in personal growth
- providing boundaries to the noise in my life
- my use of positive self-talk
- remembering that my past is just my starting point
These 10 reasons why people fail to achieve the GoodLife can be turned around so that they become your template to go after and achieve the GoodLife that you want. Remove the obstacles and you will see that it requires less effort to get on the path and make it happen.